Review: I Know Why the Aliens Don't Land! by Jeremy Vaeni

Daniel Brenton

Jeremy Vaeni's I Know Why the Aliens Don't Land! is a sprawling book that sucks us in, then teases, frustrates, and finally delivers in it's own way.  As a recent addition to the growing body of alien abduction literature, Vaeni's very personal observations are probably the clearest answers to the phenomenon in memory.

Did I like the book?

Yes.

Would I recommend the book?

Hm .....

(Uh oh.  He has to think about it.)

If I were Roger Ebert, given a choice between a "thumbs up" and a "thumbs down," I'd definitely choose "thumbs left."

Why? -- it depends on what you want out of the book.

If you're looking for quick answers and a linear narrative, numerous hair raising events, surgical extractions of implants, and analytical discussions on what those little guys are doing invading our homes and bodies, you're going to be disappointed.

But if you want a meaningful answer as to what those little guys are doing invading our homes and bodies, you'll get it, as Lt. Colonel Philip Corso would say, if you can take it.

Vaeni's style is quirky and engaging, and restlessly jumps from one expositional form to another, making his points in the style he deems best suited for the moment.  The "spine" of the book is the use of an ongoing interview -- a device employed by no less than Aristotle in his Dialogues -- between a "Norm De Plume" and himself.  Beyond this, the book is a kaleidoscope of prose techniques, including news clippings, poems, and both first and third person narratives.  Though not born of blogging and the internet, his style suits the blogosphere well -- quick, punchy, and irreverent.

We get to know Vaeni in candid -- even explicit -- detail.  He engages us quickly.  We get to know and care about him, and because of this we are willing to follow down the twists and turns of his story.

The payoff of the book is long in coming, and this reader found this distracting.  Though enjoined in the author's introduction to not read but to experience the book, I began to find the teasing detours and the crazy quilt of the prose a bit tedious.  Hitting Chapter 11 and confronted with the title "time out for song, poem, story, and ranting" (page 50) I lost patience with it and jumped to the end of the book and skimmed back to find an unwavering discussion on the subject of aliens pick up at Chapter 53, page 310 out of the book's 381.

And yet, I went back to read the rest.

What at first blush appear to be long digressions on unrelated matters -- his emotionally torturous love life as a high school student and young adult, coming to (and living through the culture shock) of New York City, a very long narrative about his career at Nickelodeon studios and an intensely frustrating affair -- give us context, helps us understand the paradoxical nature of Vaeni's struggles, and adds to the overall ambience.  (I will never be able to think about Nickelodeon as anything other than a corporate political nightmare again.)  These same needs could probably have been fulfilled more quickly, and possibly more effectively -- the fiction writer in me would wanted to have seen a more linear narrative, demonstrating the interplay between the personal events of his life and the paranormal ones.  One could argue these tangents help exposition the human condition, one of the overall points of the book, but can't help but feel like uncorrelated -- albeit absorbing -- digressions.

Despite the book's flaws, it is an engaging book for two reasons

Vaeni is an excellent writer.  He engages, he plays, he doesn't rest.  The vitality of his prose never flags.  He has understood the painfully obvious fundamental (and all-too-frequently ignored) rule of writing: a writer's work needs to be interesting.

Beyond this, the real strength of I Know Why the Aliens Don't Land! is the personality and "personableness" of the narrator.  It comes through clearly.  We know Jeremy Vaeni, we care about him, and because we care about him we forgive him his excesses and listen to his wisdom when he finally offers it.

Last year Vaeni completed and debuted a seriously low-budget -- make that "gonzo" -- documentary: No One's Watching: An Alien Abductee's Story.  I have not located any distribution of it yet, but I think I'd enjoy seeing it -- even if I had to fast forward to the end for a while.

***

Daniel Brenton's Homepage Is:  http://www.danielbrenton.com/

He is a clever writer in his own right so do check him out.